broken

There was a moment in the Presanctified this week where we sang "the King of Glory enters" - and that caught my attention: He enters not with glory but with humility and for suffering.

Then later at the altar the priest said: "Иисус Христос... Jesus Christ, Conqueror..." - again, without magnificence of a worldly "Conqueror" but with quiet humility, and that pierced my heart as that victory was won by much suffering and death.

And then we sang "taste and see that the Lord is good" - and I saw: because "come, eat, This is My Body broken for you"...

stream of consciousnesses

David, my son, talking to me. :)

- Daddy, do you like water?
- Yes.
- Then you like 80% of me! And I like 80% of you. And I like the other 20% of you because you're my daddy. 76% of people cheering other people up are sad themselves.

"The Pearl Maiden"

Finished listening to "The Pearl Maiden" by H.R. Haggard last week. Good story, great fiction.

"The Pearl Maiden" audio recording

shoe laces

How does one buy shoe laces these days?

A few months ago I wanted to buy the new simple black shoe laces for my shoes, as one of them was torn apart. Easy? I'd go to some store and buy it, but I now work in a place where there is nothing near where I could buy the shoe laces, and at home - well, let me say that my after work/weekend life schedule is such that on weekday mornings I come to the office to rest.

So, after a couple of months I realized that I'm not getting to a store any time soon. Decided to buy them online. Where? Ebay, of course: pretty much everything is available there and cheap too.

What's the length of the needed laces though? We have the measuring tape at home, of course, but... did I talk about my after work and weekend schedule? :) Basically, in those few cases when I actually remembered to measure the laces - it was of course when all kids were in beds, and the tape was in the bedroom where the baby sleep. I wouldn't dare waking her up and possibly ruining the whole night sleep for all of us just because of the shoe laces!

Sigh...

I ended up taking one of the laces with me to work to measure it there. No measuring tape or ruler found in the office. Measured it in A4 paper sheets, then calculated how many inches that is. Now I know that shoe lace is ~3.6 A4 pages long, which also happens to be 40 inches.

Bought the laces on Ebay. Received them a few days ago, yay! Only a few months after I... started getting the. Now it's just a matter of finding the time to put them into the shoes. At home. Sigh.

Kinusaiga

Kinusaiga - Japanese silk mosaic. Looks beautiful. I just looked at a few photos in LJ, but the comments are in Russian. Take a look at these two pages with some samples.

http://the-w-s.blogspot.com/2011/01/kinusaiga-silk-mosaic.html

http://ochendaje.livejournal.com/62997.html

music, last week

About a week ago on the way to work I was listening to VU & Nico and beauty of this song just struck me that morning, although I listened to it so many times before over last... wow, 20 years.

Later I was driving home with my son (7 y.o.) and he asked for some music, so I turned the player on and it happened to be this song again. To my surprise he knew and remembered it, even liked it and sang some words along.
(A few months ago he also liked a video of the Einsturzende Neubauten concert, but that's a different story. :)

Also, driving my daughter (11 y.o.) home from her gym, we happened to listen to Pink Floyd's "Wall" on the radio - which was first time for her, and she also told me she really liked it.

Not bad!
Although it may seem bleak compared to her asking to play CDs by Bjork and David Byrne when she was just 2-3 years old. :)

preparing for the Wedding Feast

John 2, 7-8 (highlighting is mine):

Jesus said to the servants, “Fill the jars with water.” And they filled them up to the brim. And he said to them, “Now draw some out and take it to the master of the feast.”

It's interesting and important that we're requested to "fill the jars" - I just read it as "make your complete effort". Only then He will, with His grace, make our human efforts and offering into something acceptable to the Master of the Feast.

"The Hunger Games"

Finished reading "The Hunger Games", all three books. The heartache. Very realistic view of humanity, unfortunately...

"Are you preparing for another war, Plutarch?" I ask. 

"Oh, not now. Now we're in that sweet period where everyone agrees that our recent horrors should never be repeated," he says. "But collective thinking is usually short-lived. We're fickle, stupid beings with poor memories and a great gift of self-destruction."

Great book though, really good.

missing

Since Pascha, I haven't been to a single liturgy. I miss being there, miss the communion with my extended family, and of course I miss the Holy Communion (not that these two should be separated) and become a spiritual wreckage, even more than usual. But my dear wife stays home all week with 3 kids and is constantly very tired since our 3rd was born; so on Sunday mornings - when I am with the baby, letting my wife to catch up on the sleep a bit - I feel it is unfair to her to just wake her up and leave her with the baby again while I go where I want to go. Yet, even though I think what I do is right, I do realize I may also be manipulated by the tempter and it's probably getting out of balance. And here's what I read at Fr. Stephen's blog today:

The purpose of the Church is not to create healthy civilizations, nor does the Church exist to be yet one more outlet of good feelings and neuroses. The Church is that place where God is being reconciled to man, and man to God... It is the ecclesia, the Divine Community of the Body of Christ, in which we may be made whole...

Ninety percent of Orthodoxy is “just showing up.” I meant then and repeat now that the slow work of transformation requires our presence within and to the ecclesia, the Church gathered.

I need to "show up" - to be healed, to become what He wants me to be, for Him and for my family, immediate and extended, and the whole world.

"small" revelations

Yesterday night my friend told me: "I don't belong to the church, but I really like go inside and sit in there". Isn't that telling something.

And my son, when I came to his bed at night, told me: "I'm very happy because of what He did for us, but also very sad... you know what I mean?"

humility

Thinking of the Passion Week events, I'm amazed at how humble our Creator is - and how could we, humans, being created in His image, become so different from that?

be still...

"Be still and know that I am God." (Ps. 46:10) 
What wondrous and deep words... so many meanings unfold through them, big like a Universe!
Stalled in awe.

like a little child

My tiny infant daughter, when I'm coming to her crib in the morning, first she's intently watching whether I'd come to her or just walk by. When she realizes I come to her - she smiles so happily and claps with her little hands. :) So even if she woke me up early, that melts my heart into pure joy.

But I also thought today: that should be our attitude to our Lord - just like a little child, full of love toward the parent and empty of self.

"show me the place"

What a beautiful song, beautiful soul...

everybody knows

Listened yesterday with my son, while in the car, to Leonard Cohen. His songs are usually sad and slow, not the type my extra-energy 7 year old would typically like. Suddenly, while the first song - "Everybody Knows" - has not yet finished, he asked to go back and play it again when it's over. To my surprise and delight, needless to say.

He was listening intently, and then later said that what Leonard sings in that song doesn't make sense. I asked "why?", and he explained: "he sings: everybody knows the war is over, and the good guys lost - that doesn't make sense".

Does it?

I love my son and Mr. Cohen. "Everybody knows that's how it goes, everybody knows..."

there is wisdom and love

I've loved Nick Cave's songs (and even a book) for years. He's been always a honest, straight forward person - both in his wild youthful nihilism, and in his mature wisdom, which shows in such lovely way in this song and brings me to tears, thaws my stone-hard, icy heart. If I had a chance to meet him - I'd hug him as a very dear brother whom I never met. If I had a chance.

Viedo: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-5uD8rCMT8
Lyrics: http://easylyrics.org/?artist=Nick+Cave&title=There+Is+A+Kingdom

P.S. It is like king David's psalms - only from these days!

Thanksgiving

Father John said yesterday that out of 10 lepers healed by Jesus 10 were healed physically and only 1 was healed completely, meaning: spiritually too. Why? Because he came back and Thanked. Thanksgiving.

The woman who was sick, paralyzed for 18 years and could only see earth, not heaven. She was healed by Jesus. Our souls are tied to the ground, paralyzed. We need Him to heal us. Completely. Thank the Healer for what He has done, and He’ll do even more. Don't do that to get the result, but be thankful, out of love. Blessed be the Lord!

Arthur Christmas (?)

Watched "Arthur Christmas" yesterday. I'd say it's a great and very funny cartoon, but one thing keeps me from signing that statement: it's, you know, that great Christmas tradition - all about presents for kids. Isn't it beautiful? Like there was no Christ born.

new martyrs

Seems it's very easy to become a martyr even these days... although, that shouldn't be a surprise. Now we have new saint Ayman. But must be really tough for his parents...

http://bikyamasr.com/47299/coptic-boy-killed-by-classmates-in-egypt/

diary

Last week my son and I received our blue belts (8th kyu) in karate - Kanreikai, derived from Kyokushinkai. The test was very challenging to me, and I could see my son really trying to do his best, genuinely concerned with the outcome of the test. Around the same time my daughter conquered 2 techniques in her gymnastics classes with which she struggled for months before. That was a week of small but serious victories for us.

This week Kira was born to us, and she is a lot of joy to us all. Our oldest daughter N is very happy to have a baby sister and now opts to stay home instead of spending time with favorite friends, because she wants to be next to Kira as much as possible, sometimes holding the baby in her hands and beaming with joy. :)

And my son - well, he's a boy: he has his things and games to do, too busy to concentrate on a baby (who only eats and sleeps) for too long. :) And he also likes listening to T-Rex, The Knife and Einstürzende Neubauten.