music, last week

About a week ago on the way to work I was listening to VU & Nico and beauty of this song just struck me that morning, although I listened to it so many times before over last... wow, 20 years.

Later I was driving home with my son (7 y.o.) and he asked for some music, so I turned the player on and it happened to be this song again. To my surprise he knew and remembered it, even liked it and sang some words along.
(A few months ago he also liked a video of the Einsturzende Neubauten concert, but that's a different story. :)

Also, driving my daughter (11 y.o.) home from her gym, we happened to listen to Pink Floyd's "Wall" on the radio - which was first time for her, and she also told me she really liked it.

Not bad!
Although it may seem bleak compared to her asking to play CDs by Bjork and David Byrne when she was just 2-3 years old. :)

everybody knows

Listened yesterday with my son, while in the car, to Leonard Cohen. His songs are usually sad and slow, not the type my extra-energy 7 year old would typically like. Suddenly, while the first song - "Everybody Knows" - has not yet finished, he asked to go back and play it again when it's over. To my surprise and delight, needless to say.

He was listening intently, and then later said that what Leonard sings in that song doesn't make sense. I asked "why?", and he explained: "he sings: everybody knows the war is over, and the good guys lost - that doesn't make sense".

Does it?

I love my son and Mr. Cohen. "Everybody knows that's how it goes, everybody knows..."

diary

Last week my son and I received our blue belts (8th kyu) in karate - Kanreikai, derived from Kyokushinkai. The test was very challenging to me, and I could see my son really trying to do his best, genuinely concerned with the outcome of the test. Around the same time my daughter conquered 2 techniques in her gymnastics classes with which she struggled for months before. That was a week of small but serious victories for us.

This week Kira was born to us, and she is a lot of joy to us all. Our oldest daughter N is very happy to have a baby sister and now opts to stay home instead of spending time with favorite friends, because she wants to be next to Kira as much as possible, sometimes holding the baby in her hands and beaming with joy. :)

And my son - well, he's a boy: he has his things and games to do, too busy to concentrate on a baby (who only eats and sleeps) for too long. :) And he also likes listening to T-Rex, The Knife and Einstürzende Neubauten.

"but by Me"

Many people tend to believe that many religions are just different paths to our Creator, and we just choose the path that feels like ours. I can't agree with that, never could. If we trust Christ, we have to trust His every word, and here's what...

"Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by Me." (John 14, 6)

Those underlined words are what causes me to disagree. He's not one of the ways, not even the best of the ways, but the only way.

On the other hand, we can see traces of the same Wisdom in different teachings - in Buddhism or Hinduism, for example, just like in Judaism. Why is that? I feel, just like Romanos wrote recently, those are just different versions of Old Testament, given to different peoples according to their context and culture. But Old Testament is not enough for salvation, it's more of preparation to the Real Thing, or words of advise on how to "survive" until the Real Thing comes in.

I also heard an opinion that it's nonsense to preach Christianity to, for instance, Buddhists, since their beliefs existed long time before Christianity was born. Well, the same could be said about Judaism. But again: those Old Testaments were not enough, even though they are huge, definitely not man-made. Yet, Christ is needed to complete the healing of the human's separation from its Creator.

concentrate on the current step

Yesterday, after the (karate) class, our hanshi (head teacher, the dojo's owner) talked to us a bit about pushing forward when it's difficult. We had an endurance class and that included a few very intensive rounds when everyone comes to the point of failure - but has to keep going. He said we shouldn't allow ourselves to think of the body, of how tired we are, of how far the goal is. Don't look at the far goal all the time, he said. If you're walking up the mountain to the summit, don't look at the top, especially when you're tired - it's so far, it'll discourage you and you won't go/get there. Instead, make the steps, one after another, concentrate on the current step - and that way you'll get there. Don't look back either, as that may bring memories of past failures - and they don't matter, what matters is what you do now. What might also help is thinking of the next activity that is exciting, or of a reward awaiting us after we've done this current tough part. He learned it from the Japanese culture and his teacher during his decades in karate.

This life is tough at times, and we all have to be warriors deep inside to survive and succeed at our responsibilities along the way.

a guest is coming

Well, we're preparing for a guest here: Irene is coming, and her eye is going to pass 10-20 miles from us according to the news and weather forecasts. I'll try to post something here as soon as she leaves (and we have electricity and internet connection back). Please pray for us! if we don't show up for a few days - possibly for repose. :)

Pink Panzer

We’re watching the “Pink Panther” cartoons these days – the old ones, from 60’s. Kids are having a lot of fun with them, and we enjoy that simplistic animation and funny stories also. Yesterday I was baffled though when we watched the “Pink Panzer” episode, because as we were watching it I first thought of “Screwtape Letters” and then realized that it’s a simple explanation of “Unseen Warfare” at children’s level. Definitely wouldn’t expect that in those simple cartoons from 60’s... That episode made it very simple to completely deliver the idea to my kids as I was putting them to bed, although before I didn’t even think it possible to explain it to them before they get significantly older.

Here it is: The Pink Panther 011, Pink Panzer

visit to Greek monastery

Went to St. Nektarios’ Greek monastery this weekend. Somehow it was not easy for me this time: had to push myself with effort through the services, as opposed to the previous trips when I was carried “on wings” of the Meeting, silence, chanting and prayer. Yet, other things (some meetings and conversations) proved to be edifying for me and thus I believe the trip brought me what I needed at the moment – some re-inspiration at least.

Someone told me a recent story. An orthodox priest was driving from Nevada or Arizona to California. He was driving on an empty road in the middle of the desert, nothing and no one around. At some point of his journey he saw a man waving at his from a distance ahead, and the priest stopped thinking that probably someone has a broken car or something like that. The man that stopped him, with long hair and beard, said something along the lines: Father, I need you to hear my confession. The priest, surprised with what’s happening, heard the confession, and that man then thanked him and walked away – back into the desert.

Now, would you expect something like that in America, in the 21st century? I honestly would not. Yes, I know, there is Father Ephrem’s monastery in Arizona’s desert, but... unknown hermits, guided to find the priest like that? I thought such stories belong only to the ancient Paterikon or “Orthodox countries”, such as Mount Athos/Greece, or Russia... Glory to God in His saints!

P.S. Also, saw many cats.

too blind, need help

Was listening to Dylan yesterday ("Slow Train Coming"), and these words stuck with/in me especially:

Shine your light

Shine your light on me

You know I just couldn’t make it by myself

I’m a little too blind to see

Love Dylan.

"Haikus for Jews"

While I was reviewing some of my old notes, I remembered I read this book quite a few years ago, titled "Haikus for Jews" by David Bader. Here are some notes I made at that time.

From preface:

"Perhaps the most brilliant poet of the Jewish haiku was Sheldon "Sashimi" Lepstein, according to his mother. [...] Some of his finest efforts were even more pointed and concise than traditional haiku, such as his searing one-syllable poem, "Oy!" and his two-syllable epic, "Gevalt!". He is perhaps best remembered today for the melancholy haiku:

No fins, no flippers,

the gefilte fish swims with

some difficulty."

And now - from the book itself:

The same kimono

the top geishas are wearing -

got it at Loehmann's.

"Can't you just leave it?"

the new Jewish mother asks -

umbilical cord.

Sorry I'm not home

to take your call. At the tone

please state your bad news.

The Jewish New Year -

in Times Square, no ball is dropped.

Where is everyone?

preemptive prosecution

I’m reading an article in “New York” magazine current issue about US’ “secret prisons”.

“Since 9/11, the FBI had begun relying more heavily on informants, under a controversial policy of preemptive prosecution – taking down those thought to possibly become terrorists in the future.”

Emphasis is mine.

This is very disturbing. It is very similar to the Soviet years when just anyone could suddenly become “an enemy of the state” and end up executed or imprisoned for life. And all of this based on a suspicion. It’s happening in America right now – different time and different place, but people spend years in prisons, separated from almost any communication. Right now they are targeting Muslims, but anyone could be next, anyone they may want to “take down” for any real reason. Christians, for instance, were blamed many times in the history, just to find a formal reason persecute them. Beginning from the first big persecution when the great fire in Rome was blamed on Christians.

granny

My grandmother had grown up in a Jewish village in Ukraine, but she’s never been a believer. She’s about 90 years old now and in a way is becoming like a child. Two recent conversations with her have amazed us.

Once, I was talking to her on the phone after work on the way home. I was telling her of some plans that we have and then, half-jokingly, asked her whether those plans are ok? Whether she’s like it this way or that way? And she said: “I want you to do as you wish. And what I have to do – is just to love you.”

And another time my mom/her daughter was talking to her. My granny was telling of this and that happening, and concluded with the words: “whatever happens, we should say: glory to God!”

I know of one Jewish man who said – and wrote – the same. He lived roughly two millennia ago and his commemoration day is today. My granny has never been a believer. Or has she? I believe and hope for our Lord’s mercy to such children of His.

spiritual kung fu

We watched the new “Kung Fu Panda” with kids this past Saturday. Sequels are usually not as good as the original films, if not plain bad. This one surprised me in that respect, as it turned out to be deeper than the first cartoon. The message was toward those who got stuck with their past – what they did or experienced in the past – and can’t move forward. Approximately this: the past doesn’t define you; what you decide to be from now on – that’s what defines you. Isn’t that repentance, metanoia, the change of heart? the resolution to do good and reject the temptations to sin?

Two things I heard over the last few days had removed the veil from my eyes, at least relatively, and let me see the Light. One of them is what Romanos wrote: “God is not angry with you”. And another one is from the cartoon. Right on time, as I was preparing for the confession. I was definitely stuck with the multitude of dark things in my past. I needed someone to show me the way, again. Thank you, Lord Jesus, for You never leave me, even when I think I left You. Thank You for the messages You always send me through Your other children.

“Christ is risen, and the angels rejoice! Christ is risen, and life reigns!” And we’re free to go forward to the Light and be the light, the choice is ours – between that and looking back like Lot’s wife and staying stuck.

"found them asleep again"

While reading the Gospel yesterday morning, I was startled by these words:

"And He came and found them asleep again: for their eyes were heavy. And He left them, and went away again..." (Matthew 26:43-44)

They made me concerned. He surely found me asleep again, many times, and recently too. I woke up. How do I get Him to come back? I was in panic.

And then later that day I read the answer:

"Ever since the time of your forefathers you have turned away from My decrees and have not kept them. Return to Me, and I will return to you, says the LORD Almighty" (Malachi 3:7).

Repentance, metanoia is the second birth, or rather 3rd birth – 2nd baptism.

back from Orlando

Yesterday we came back from Disney World in Orlando. It was our first trip there and everyone loved it. Certainly, we spent a lot of money there – the food is very expensive and we bought some toys/presents, not to mention the hotel and the park tickets – but the kids were so happy there that sometimes it was very emotional to me too. Even my wife said she felt like a child at a great celebration. True, it’s a huge commercial machine, but they do make it look like it’s a huge celebration, with music, parades, balloons – and you’re in the midst of it, part of it. We certainly feel we’ll go there again some day.

There can be many stories told, but one of them is funny. We were in the Animal Kingdom theme park and we took an African Safari ride: we rode on a big bus with a roof but no windows through a large land with African animals. Some of them came pretty close to the bus but most were pretty distant. When we just passed the lion... the bus broke down and came to a stop. So, we were waiting for the mechanics to come over and fix the problem. The lion was sleeping first (and my son mentioned that lions go for a looong sleep after a good meal), then raised his head – maybe because of our smells staying there for too long. Then he got up. I thought he’s probably thinking whether we’ll still be there by dinner time. People on the bus were nervously joking and laughing. Someone mentioned other buses are stuck behind us because our bus has blocked the road, so we’re safe since those others are closer to the lion. Then someone noticed a couple of vultures circling above us, and then more and more vultures came in. It was fun! until the mechanics came over and ruined it by fixing the bus.

rhinos

My son has been thinking over the last few days how he could make some money. What for? To send it to the rhinos in Africa! He recently learnt in school that they're almost blind, so bad sight they possess, and because of that it's more difficult for them to survive. So he's been worried about them and wanted to help these poor guys to buy glasses.

He's so pure and sincere... his love embraces all living creatures in the world, and not just in theory - he wants to act! I want to hope he's inherited that love from Him Who is Love. And I so want him to keep that inheritance...

man killed

I realize I may be wrong here, but today's news kept me thinking... why such rejoicing over someone's death? Whoever and however bad he is/was, this just doesn't sound right.

Violence in response to violence - will it really bring peace? or just more violence? I'm pretty sure in the latter, and especially with Muslim extremists in the equation. Someone said: "an eye for an eye" will only result in a world full of blind people. But then, this is no simple situation... can't just keep giving people like him the other cheek and watch him kill more neighbors.

Yet, Christ came to save sinners, like me and Osama. Or that man whom Christ judged to enter Paradise with Him.

Poor guy... look at young Osama, what a hell he created for himself - what joy he could have had instead!

(from BBC News)

that's life

On Bright Monday I visited the Russian parish I used to be part of years ago. I like to go there from time to time - mostly to see the priest again, as he's a very dear person to me.

Matushka told me a story of a 7-year old boy who attended the first Paschal Liturgy this year, and he said: "It was the best thing I have seen in my life! It was like I spent a day in Heaven - because that's what Heaven is: everything is beautiful and full of joy." I wish my experience was the same; although it was joyful, but definitely not to that extent. Probably need to become like a child first.

And the priest told me a story of their son who is no finishing his college education. He served in the altar since his toddler (or at least childhood) years, and moved out to another state to go to college. They recently found out that he had drinking and smoking problems, and then met and married a Muslim girl and is a Muslim himself, too. He told his parents of him leaving Christendom recently, and now rejects to even talk on this topic. They saw their daughter-in-law a few months after the marriage was done and are now trying to re-build the relationship.

That's life.

But Christ is risen! and their son was baptized and communed a multitude of times - that can't go without a trace, and I'm sure the grace is at work to bring him back - at the proper time. It's probably going to take a lot of time, patience and prayer. And - who knows? - maybe it'll bring both of these young people into the Church after all. Lord uses even our bad decisions to our good.

Got me extra-worried about my children anyway.

Paskha

Last week was rainy and a bit cold - seemed like the nature joined the sober sorrow and lamenting of the Church going through the Holy Week. On Saturday evening suddenly outside temperature started climbing up causing a lot of fog as we were driving to and from the church, and the rain that was in the forecast somehow did not come. And the most important Sunday of the year was mostly sunny and really warm, even hot when I played with kids under the afternoon sun.

Christ is risen!

the fruit

For everyone of us there will come a moment when the Lord will come to see what fruit the land (body) we’re given has produced. It will come, just a matter of time. It could be very short time, not just in some distant future. And I hope to hear on that day: “enter thou into the joy of thy Lord (Matthew 25:21), I have called you friend (John 15:15)”, not “let no fruit grow on thee henceforward for ever (Matthew 21:19)”.

Have to be prepared, always ready.