that's life

On Bright Monday I visited the Russian parish I used to be part of years ago. I like to go there from time to time - mostly to see the priest again, as he's a very dear person to me.

Matushka told me a story of a 7-year old boy who attended the first Paschal Liturgy this year, and he said: "It was the best thing I have seen in my life! It was like I spent a day in Heaven - because that's what Heaven is: everything is beautiful and full of joy." I wish my experience was the same; although it was joyful, but definitely not to that extent. Probably need to become like a child first.

And the priest told me a story of their son who is no finishing his college education. He served in the altar since his toddler (or at least childhood) years, and moved out to another state to go to college. They recently found out that he had drinking and smoking problems, and then met and married a Muslim girl and is a Muslim himself, too. He told his parents of him leaving Christendom recently, and now rejects to even talk on this topic. They saw their daughter-in-law a few months after the marriage was done and are now trying to re-build the relationship.

That's life.

But Christ is risen! and their son was baptized and communed a multitude of times - that can't go without a trace, and I'm sure the grace is at work to bring him back - at the proper time. It's probably going to take a lot of time, patience and prayer. And - who knows? - maybe it'll bring both of these young people into the Church after all. Lord uses even our bad decisions to our good.

Got me extra-worried about my children anyway.

Paskha

Last week was rainy and a bit cold - seemed like the nature joined the sober sorrow and lamenting of the Church going through the Holy Week. On Saturday evening suddenly outside temperature started climbing up causing a lot of fog as we were driving to and from the church, and the rain that was in the forecast somehow did not come. And the most important Sunday of the year was mostly sunny and really warm, even hot when I played with kids under the afternoon sun.

Christ is risen!

the fruit

For everyone of us there will come a moment when the Lord will come to see what fruit the land (body) we’re given has produced. It will come, just a matter of time. It could be very short time, not just in some distant future. And I hope to hear on that day: “enter thou into the joy of thy Lord (Matthew 25:21), I have called you friend (John 15:15)”, not “let no fruit grow on thee henceforward for ever (Matthew 21:19)”.

Have to be prepared, always ready.

simply natural

It is Saint Anthony the Great, I believe, that is known to have said that he’s worse, more despicable than all other creatures, for they act in accordance with the nature they have been given, while he, owing to his innumerable sins, is in a state contrary to nature. I tried to find that online and found a similar saying attributed to Saint Gregory of Sinai. That is true humility: true knowledge of oneself, as opposed to persuading oneself of being bad.

I am blessed by witnessing natural humility for quite a few years now, and I’m in awe. This person has not read the fathers and would not be considered an ascetic or a prayer person (although she is, although in a different, special away), but she more than once said, in sincerity and simplicity, that “this cat” or “that hamster” or all animals in general are better than us, they don’t need to be saved for they’re sinless. She stated, just with different words, the same thing at which those great fathers arrived after years or decades of struggle, prayer and ascesis.

She also at some point expressed a genuine surprise at a possibility of (me or anyone else) being proud about doing something good, or not even good but simply reaching a new level of success in something. Be it feeding a hungry person or progressing to a new level in gymnastics, for example. In all cases, we’re given the ability and the possibility to do that. Given. Not everyone is born with a good gymnast abilities. Not everyone is shown a hungry person, cause we’re all in different situations at all times; and not everyone is given the money or the food that he could share. So, if you’re given all that – it’s not an achievement, it’s a gift. What’s there to be proud about?

And it’s one thing to agree with this logically and remember this sometimes, inducing this type of thinking; and another thing – to always feel this way, seeing the world this way.

That person is my dear wife, who is, hopefully, not reading this blog post. Although it would not hurt her, since she’d think of these things as given. But I doubt she’ll even think about these things, since seem as simply natural to her, and they are. It’s amazing to see this integrity, this God-given health of the soul. And that’s why I’m in awe, and in love. :)

Nick Cave

On the way to work listened to “No More Shall We Part” album by Nick Cave. He used to be a punk, but with the age he came to Christ and is quite different now. But what I can hear in his later music is really the same as from the older days: a crying soul, beautiful and innocent as a child. Often aching, ill, sometimes angry, but still beautiful in its sincerity, searching and longing for its Creator.

Lord, stay by me
Don't go down
I will never be free
If I'm not free now

Paskha is coming.

just ask

My son D. (6 years old) asked me this weekend what the war is and why such things exist. I said that it’s basically when someone wants something that he doesn’t have and the others have it, so he attacks (and even kills) those others to get that thing. He was very sadly amazed and, after being silently grave for a couple of seconds, quietly said: “That’s not nice. They should just ask.”

Isn't that so? Made me smile and my eyes wet.

Met. Anthony

An excerpt on the life of Met. Anthony of Sourozh from "Remembering Metropolitan Anthony".

Few bishops were more accessible to their flock, but this sometimes had comical results. When one parishioner rang to say that “Peter” had died and asked for prayers, Metropolitan Anthony immediately complied, then asked when the funeral would be. “Oh, there won’t be one,” he was told. “We flushed Peter down the loo.” Peter turned out to be a parakeet.

http://thechildrenofgod.blogspot.com/2011/04/metropolitan-anthony-of-sourozh.html

“We should try to live in such a way that if the Gospels were lost, they could be re-written by looking at us.”

– Metropolitan Anthony of Souroz

Maugham, Claiborne

My mom read a short story by Somerset Maugham titled “Rain” and asked me to read it too, as she wanted to discuss and share thoughts on it.

I heard from someone the story was anti-Christian, and also that Maugham was a “militant atheist”. In the story he depicted a missionary on his way to some distant islands and exposed the ways he employed to bring Christianity to people. For instance, the missionary and his wife saw dancing as a root of many sins in the aboriginal culture and decided to uproot it. So, they introduced the new law: whoever was dancing – could not sell whatever he made to make living. And thus they reached their goal: no dances anymore. Well, they certainly got rid of some joy in the aborigines’ lives and caused some suffering, but, looks like, failed to bring Love and Faith in.

Well, if that’s the only version of missionaries Maugham met in his life – I’m not at all surprised he was so anti-Christian. In fact, this book is not against Christianity but against what people made of Christianity. And think of that example: can’t trade if you don’t obey… isn’t that reminding of something? Reminded me of the book of Revelation: “and that no man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark, or the name of the beast, or the number of his name” (Revelation 13:17).

His masterpiece is Of Human Bondage (1917), a semi-autobiographical novel about an orphan brought up by pious relatives. In that novel the author’s surrogate, Philip Carey, "looked upon Christianity as a degrading bondage that must be cast away at any cost".

(from Free Thought Almanac)

Not surprising to me. The version he saw was really wrong.

On the other hand, here's something that Christian were and are missing - this Shane Claiborne know what's talking about. We shouldn't be fooled or turned away by his manner of speaking, he's talking about a very important thing, a necessary thing – the actual love, not just emotional love.

We need to act.

Australia

Recently I saw a web page that lists "the world's 10 best cities to live in", mostly pictures, not much text. Whatever characteristics were the basis for that selection, I noticed half of those cities were in Australia.

During the weekend, jokingly, I mentioned that to my wife and suggested we should move there. Nice new place and culture, and we don't really have to learn a new language - what can be better? She said something along the lines of "no way, I can't think of moving even to a different state!" Then I asked my daughter whether we should move to Australia, expecting her adventurous spirit would make her excited about it. She said plainly: "no". Then I pretended to be disappointed and said that whatever the men decide - will be the decision in our family. Thus, I asked my son whether we should move to Australia, and he said "no". Why? "Because I want to finish my elementary school where I am now." Ok, I said, we can wait a bit and then move. And he said: "no, we're not moving anyway".

That's how I'm loved in my family and how much respect my thoughts receive. We all had a good laugh. :)

(from "A photo a day")

Psalm 8

Every time I read Psalm 8, I fall in love a little more with its poetry - and with our Lord - again.

O LORD our Lord, how excellent is thy name in all the earth! who hast set thy glory above the heavens...

When I consider thy heavens, the work of thy fingers, the moon and the stars, which thou hast ordained;
What is man, that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that thou visitest him?

angry at myself

Jesus, our Creator and our Savior, 2,000 years ago came here and showed us what a human is meant to be/become - that is, become like Him in many ways. Why do we get stuck at just trying to be saved, in other words - merely "passing the test" instead of going for A+ level (not the grade, but the level)? I think, not trying to become what He wants us to become is an ungrateful insult in response to what He has done for us. And I'm not talking about succeeding at that, but really trying, with all heart, mind and body. "Yeah, I know what You mean, Jesus... but living this cozy life, with all the tasty food and funny TV shows, and trying to sin a bit less is all I'm willing to do." That's what we're saying to Him with our actions and inactions. Yes, He'll forgive us for that, too - that's how He is; but with what eyes will we look at Him? oh, shame...

I was reading the passage on the Transfiguration today, and it suddenly came clearer, stronger in my mind. I know a pries who a few years ago on the Transfiguration feast day instead of "Blessed Transfiguration to you, friends!" said "Transfigure, friends!"