preparing for the Wedding Feast

John 2, 7-8 (highlighting is mine):

Jesus said to the servants, “Fill the jars with water.” And they filled them up to the brim. And he said to them, “Now draw some out and take it to the master of the feast.”

It's interesting and important that we're requested to "fill the jars" - I just read it as "make your complete effort". Only then He will, with His grace, make our human efforts and offering into something acceptable to the Master of the Feast.

"The Hunger Games"

Finished reading "The Hunger Games", all three books. The heartache. Very realistic view of humanity, unfortunately...

"Are you preparing for another war, Plutarch?" I ask. 

"Oh, not now. Now we're in that sweet period where everyone agrees that our recent horrors should never be repeated," he says. "But collective thinking is usually short-lived. We're fickle, stupid beings with poor memories and a great gift of self-destruction."

Great book though, really good.

missing

Since Pascha, I haven't been to a single liturgy. I miss being there, miss the communion with my extended family, and of course I miss the Holy Communion (not that these two should be separated) and become a spiritual wreckage, even more than usual. But my dear wife stays home all week with 3 kids and is constantly very tired since our 3rd was born; so on Sunday mornings - when I am with the baby, letting my wife to catch up on the sleep a bit - I feel it is unfair to her to just wake her up and leave her with the baby again while I go where I want to go. Yet, even though I think what I do is right, I do realize I may also be manipulated by the tempter and it's probably getting out of balance. And here's what I read at Fr. Stephen's blog today:

The purpose of the Church is not to create healthy civilizations, nor does the Church exist to be yet one more outlet of good feelings and neuroses. The Church is that place where God is being reconciled to man, and man to God... It is the ecclesia, the Divine Community of the Body of Christ, in which we may be made whole...

Ninety percent of Orthodoxy is “just showing up.” I meant then and repeat now that the slow work of transformation requires our presence within and to the ecclesia, the Church gathered.

I need to "show up" - to be healed, to become what He wants me to be, for Him and for my family, immediate and extended, and the whole world.

"small" revelations

Yesterday night my friend told me: "I don't belong to the church, but I really like go inside and sit in there". Isn't that telling something.

And my son, when I came to his bed at night, told me: "I'm very happy because of what He did for us, but also very sad... you know what I mean?"

humility

Thinking of the Passion Week events, I'm amazed at how humble our Creator is - and how could we, humans, being created in His image, become so different from that?

be still...

"Be still and know that I am God." (Ps. 46:10) 
What wondrous and deep words... so many meanings unfold through them, big like a Universe!
Stalled in awe.

like a little child

My tiny infant daughter, when I'm coming to her crib in the morning, first she's intently watching whether I'd come to her or just walk by. When she realizes I come to her - she smiles so happily and claps with her little hands. :) So even if she woke me up early, that melts my heart into pure joy.

But I also thought today: that should be our attitude to our Lord - just like a little child, full of love toward the parent and empty of self.

"show me the place"

What a beautiful song, beautiful soul...

everybody knows

Listened yesterday with my son, while in the car, to Leonard Cohen. His songs are usually sad and slow, not the type my extra-energy 7 year old would typically like. Suddenly, while the first song - "Everybody Knows" - has not yet finished, he asked to go back and play it again when it's over. To my surprise and delight, needless to say.

He was listening intently, and then later said that what Leonard sings in that song doesn't make sense. I asked "why?", and he explained: "he sings: everybody knows the war is over, and the good guys lost - that doesn't make sense".

Does it?

I love my son and Mr. Cohen. "Everybody knows that's how it goes, everybody knows..."

there is wisdom and love

I've loved Nick Cave's songs (and even a book) for years. He's been always a honest, straight forward person - both in his wild youthful nihilism, and in his mature wisdom, which shows in such lovely way in this song and brings me to tears, thaws my stone-hard, icy heart. If I had a chance to meet him - I'd hug him as a very dear brother whom I never met. If I had a chance.

Viedo: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-5uD8rCMT8
Lyrics: http://easylyrics.org/?artist=Nick+Cave&title=There+Is+A+Kingdom

P.S. It is like king David's psalms - only from these days!

Thanksgiving

Father John said yesterday that out of 10 lepers healed by Jesus 10 were healed physically and only 1 was healed completely, meaning: spiritually too. Why? Because he came back and Thanked. Thanksgiving.

The woman who was sick, paralyzed for 18 years and could only see earth, not heaven. She was healed by Jesus. Our souls are tied to the ground, paralyzed. We need Him to heal us. Completely. Thank the Healer for what He has done, and He’ll do even more. Don't do that to get the result, but be thankful, out of love. Blessed be the Lord!

Arthur Christmas (?)

Watched "Arthur Christmas" yesterday. I'd say it's a great and very funny cartoon, but one thing keeps me from signing that statement: it's, you know, that great Christmas tradition - all about presents for kids. Isn't it beautiful? Like there was no Christ born.

new martyrs

Seems it's very easy to become a martyr even these days... although, that shouldn't be a surprise. Now we have new saint Ayman. But must be really tough for his parents...

http://bikyamasr.com/47299/coptic-boy-killed-by-classmates-in-egypt/

diary

Last week my son and I received our blue belts (8th kyu) in karate - Kanreikai, derived from Kyokushinkai. The test was very challenging to me, and I could see my son really trying to do his best, genuinely concerned with the outcome of the test. Around the same time my daughter conquered 2 techniques in her gymnastics classes with which she struggled for months before. That was a week of small but serious victories for us.

This week Kira was born to us, and she is a lot of joy to us all. Our oldest daughter N is very happy to have a baby sister and now opts to stay home instead of spending time with favorite friends, because she wants to be next to Kira as much as possible, sometimes holding the baby in her hands and beaming with joy. :)

And my son - well, he's a boy: he has his things and games to do, too busy to concentrate on a baby (who only eats and sleeps) for too long. :) And he also likes listening to T-Rex, The Knife and Einstürzende Neubauten.

"but by Me"

Many people tend to believe that many religions are just different paths to our Creator, and we just choose the path that feels like ours. I can't agree with that, never could. If we trust Christ, we have to trust His every word, and here's what...

"Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by Me." (John 14, 6)

Those underlined words are what causes me to disagree. He's not one of the ways, not even the best of the ways, but the only way.

On the other hand, we can see traces of the same Wisdom in different teachings - in Buddhism or Hinduism, for example, just like in Judaism. Why is that? I feel, just like Romanos wrote recently, those are just different versions of Old Testament, given to different peoples according to their context and culture. But Old Testament is not enough for salvation, it's more of preparation to the Real Thing, or words of advise on how to "survive" until the Real Thing comes in.

I also heard an opinion that it's nonsense to preach Christianity to, for instance, Buddhists, since their beliefs existed long time before Christianity was born. Well, the same could be said about Judaism. But again: those Old Testaments were not enough, even though they are huge, definitely not man-made. Yet, Christ is needed to complete the healing of the human's separation from its Creator.

concentrate on the current step

Yesterday, after the (karate) class, our hanshi (head teacher, the dojo's owner) talked to us a bit about pushing forward when it's difficult. We had an endurance class and that included a few very intensive rounds when everyone comes to the point of failure - but has to keep going. He said we shouldn't allow ourselves to think of the body, of how tired we are, of how far the goal is. Don't look at the far goal all the time, he said. If you're walking up the mountain to the summit, don't look at the top, especially when you're tired - it's so far, it'll discourage you and you won't go/get there. Instead, make the steps, one after another, concentrate on the current step - and that way you'll get there. Don't look back either, as that may bring memories of past failures - and they don't matter, what matters is what you do now. What might also help is thinking of the next activity that is exciting, or of a reward awaiting us after we've done this current tough part. He learned it from the Japanese culture and his teacher during his decades in karate.

This life is tough at times, and we all have to be warriors deep inside to survive and succeed at our responsibilities along the way.

Merton

From Wiki:

Throughout his life, [Thomas Merton] studied Buddhism, Taoism, Hinduism, Jainism and Sufism in addition to his academic and monastic studies.

He believed that for the most part, Christianity had forsaken its mystical tradition in favor of Cartesian emphasis on "the reification of concepts, idolization of the reflexive consciousness, flight from being into verbalism, mathematics, and rationalization." Eastern traditions, for Merton, were mostly untainted by this type of thinking and thus had much to offer in terms of how to think of and understand oneself.

Merton was perhaps most interested in - and, of all of the Eastern traditions, wrote the most about - Zen. Having studied the Desert Fathers and other Christian mystics as part of his monastic vocation, Merton had a deep understanding of what it was those men sought and experienced in their seeking. He found many parallels between the language of these Christian mystics and the language of Zen philosophy.

I can't believe a man like Merton wouldn't be aware of Orthodoxy. Did he fail to see in it that which he sought? or do we fail to live what we believe, thus people don't see it?

Poor guy... he was so close to it - and looked the other way. Or, perhaps, that was his path to our Lord.

a guest is coming

Well, we're preparing for a guest here: Irene is coming, and her eye is going to pass 10-20 miles from us according to the news and weather forecasts. I'll try to post something here as soon as she leaves (and we have electricity and internet connection back). Please pray for us! if we don't show up for a few days - possibly for repose. :)

Pink Panzer

We’re watching the “Pink Panther” cartoons these days – the old ones, from 60’s. Kids are having a lot of fun with them, and we enjoy that simplistic animation and funny stories also. Yesterday I was baffled though when we watched the “Pink Panzer” episode, because as we were watching it I first thought of “Screwtape Letters” and then realized that it’s a simple explanation of “Unseen Warfare” at children’s level. Definitely wouldn’t expect that in those simple cartoons from 60’s... That episode made it very simple to completely deliver the idea to my kids as I was putting them to bed, although before I didn’t even think it possible to explain it to them before they get significantly older.

Here it is: The Pink Panther 011, Pink Panzer

visit to Greek monastery

Went to St. Nektarios’ Greek monastery this weekend. Somehow it was not easy for me this time: had to push myself with effort through the services, as opposed to the previous trips when I was carried “on wings” of the Meeting, silence, chanting and prayer. Yet, other things (some meetings and conversations) proved to be edifying for me and thus I believe the trip brought me what I needed at the moment – some re-inspiration at least.

Someone told me a recent story. An orthodox priest was driving from Nevada or Arizona to California. He was driving on an empty road in the middle of the desert, nothing and no one around. At some point of his journey he saw a man waving at his from a distance ahead, and the priest stopped thinking that probably someone has a broken car or something like that. The man that stopped him, with long hair and beard, said something along the lines: Father, I need you to hear my confession. The priest, surprised with what’s happening, heard the confession, and that man then thanked him and walked away – back into the desert.

Now, would you expect something like that in America, in the 21st century? I honestly would not. Yes, I know, there is Father Ephrem’s monastery in Arizona’s desert, but... unknown hermits, guided to find the priest like that? I thought such stories belong only to the ancient Paterikon or “Orthodox countries”, such as Mount Athos/Greece, or Russia... Glory to God in His saints!

P.S. Also, saw many cats.